I Don’t Love You Anymore

 

There weren’t any tears during my most recent breakup. No possessions strewn across the lawn. No passive aggression. No yelling or fighting or angry text messages. Rather, there was a twinge of relief—an unexpected pang of freedom.

The moment it all ended, I just stood there, an awkward silence between us. When I finally handed her the bag of clothes, I knew there was no turning back. But her features held no sign of sadness—more like a look of gratitude. As I drove away, I didn’t once look in the rearview.

Thankfully, this estrangement wasn’t with a person, but with a large chunk of my wardrobe. If I would’ve anthropomorphize that bag of clothes before I handed it to the pretty girl at Goodwill, I would’ve told it, “It’s not you—hell, it’s not even me—its us. We’re no longer right for each other. I just don’t love you anymore.”

I realized it was time for us to part ways just last week, after I pulled on a teeshirt and immediately wanted to wear something else. Truth be told, it was a decent shirt, one I got a lot of use out of, but I didn’t love wearing it anymore, and I hadn’t loved wearing it in a while.

So I decided to go through my already minimal closet and jettison every item I didn’t love. I’d rather own just a few outfits—outfits I enjoy wearing, clothes I feel confident in, a wardrobe that brings me joy—than a mediocre collection of once-loved threads.

Sometimes love sunders, and we have to move on. The things we once loved, we may not love forever.

Read more insightful entries from The Minimalists here.

P.S. Today (Oct 23) is Ryan’s birthday. Wish him a happy 32nd on Twitter.

The Nap-friendly Workspace.

Sometimes the showstopper of a workspace is the desk; sometimes it’s the technology, or the view, or the decor. In today’s featured workspace, the showstopper is a nook perfect for quick afternoon naps. Courtesy of Lifehacker

The Sound of Irrelevance

I am standing on a street corner in downtown Fargo, jokingly holding a pay phone receiver to my ear. There’s an odd buzzing sound thrumming through the earpiece. It takes me a moment to realize what it is.

Although I haven’t heard from her in a while, I remember her well, sedulous Ms. Dial Tone, singing her monotone song each time I lifted my phone from its cradle. But that was a while ago, back when I had home-phone service. These days, however, Ms. T. hardly comes around at all; occasionally she’ll make an appearance at the office, but even there she sings less and less each day, displaced by email and texts and data and, of course, mobile phones.

Not surprisingly, no one has missed Ms. Dial Tone; no petitions are being signed to bring her back. Even though she played a vital role for 130 years, she’s no longer relevant. And she never will be again.

So here I am, pay phone in hand, listening to the droning sound of irrelevance.

Likewise, there are material items in our lives that’ve added value for years—clothes, kitchenware, electronics, furniture, etc. But in time, even the most useful belongings become irrelevant. After which, we must let go, lest we cling to irrelevance.

What possessions do you own that’ve lost their relevance? What would it take to let go?

 

Get in touch with The Minimalists on Facebook and Twitter. Or  check out more of theirenlightening posts on TheMinimalists.com

Company Growth Supersedes Paychecks

Everything That Remains Tour 2014

Throughout 2014, The Minimalists will embark on a 100-city tour across the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, & Australia to share their story of living with less and celebrate their new book, Everything That Remains.

Come listen to Joshua and Ryan speak about their journey into the simple life, followed by a short reading from their new book, a brief Q&A session, and an optional book signing and photos. Each event is 90 minutes.

Admission is free. So are the hugs. Click the link next to your city below to reserve your tickets. You are also welcome to pick up a copy of the new book, but you certainly aren’t required to. (Note: although tickets are free, some cities will have a limited number, so it’s best to get yours now.)

Follow The Minimalists on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for updates, photos, and stories from the road. Join the conversation: #minstour

Want to help with the tour? The Minimalists need assistance with bookstores, photos, video, local media, local event-calendar placement, Wikipedia, sponsorships, and various other ways of spreading the message. Details here.

Tour Dates

—Book Preview Event 2013—

November 13, 2013 (Media & Public) — NYC (details)

—United States 2014—

January 24 — Tampa, FL (free tickets)

January 27 — Miami, FL (free tickets)

January 30 — Orlando, FL (free tickets)

February 2 — Jacksonville, FL (free tickets)

February 5 — New Orleans, LA (free tickets)

February 8 — Jackson, MS (free tickets)

February 11 — Birmingham, AL (free tickets)

February 15 — Atlanta, GA (free tickets)

February 17 — Knoxville, TN (free tickets)

February 19 — Nashville, TN (free tickets)

February 21 — Memphis, TN (free tickets)

February 23 — Little Rock, AR (free tickets)

February 25 — Tulsa, OK (free tickets)

February 26 — Oklahoma City, OK (free tickets)

March 1 — Dallas, TX (free tickets)

March 4 — Houston, TX (free tickets)

March 7 — San Antonio, TX (free tickets)

March 10 — Austin, TX (free tickets)

March 13 — Albuquerque, NM (free tickets)

March 16 — Tucson, AZ (free tickets)

March 19 — Phoenix, AZ (free tickets)

March 22 — Las Vegas, NV (free tickets)

March 25 — San Diego, CA (free tickets)

March 28 — Los Angeles, CA (free tickets)

March 31 — San Jose, CA (free tickets)

April 2 — San Francisco, CA (free tickets)

April 6 — Sacramento, CA (free tickets)

April 9 — Portland, OR (free tickets)

April 12 — Boise, ID (free tickets)

April 15 — Salt Lake City, UT (free tickets)

April 18 — Denver, CO (free tickets)

April 21 — Omaha, NE (free tickets)

April 22 — Des Moines, IA (free tickets)

April 23 — Kansas City, MO (free tickets)

April 25 — St. Louis, MO (free tickets)

April 27 — Louisville, KY (free tickets)

April 29 — Indianapolis, IN (free tickets)

May 2 — Cincinnati, OH (free tickets)

May 5 — Dayton, OH (free tickets)

May 8 — Columbus, OH (free tickets)

May 10 — Pittsburgh, PA (free tickets)

May 14 — Charlotte, NC (free tickets)

May 15 — Greenville, SC (free tickets)

May 17 — Columbia, SC (free tickets)

May 19 — Raleigh, NC (free tickets)

May 21 — Virginia Beach, VA (free tickets)

May 23 — Richmond, VA (free tickets)

May 26 — Washington, DC (free tickets)

May 28 — Baltimore, MD (free tickets)

June 1 — Fargo, ND (free tickets)

June 3 — Philadelphia, PA (free tickets)

June 5 — New York City, NY (free tickets)

June 7 — Hartford, CT (free tickets)

June 9 — Providence, RI (free tickets)

June 11 — Boston, MA (free tickets)

June 13 — Portland, ME (free tickets)

July 3 — Buffalo, NY (free tickets)

July 5 — Rochester, NY (free tickets)

July 7 — Cleveland, OH (free tickets)

July 9 — Ann Arbor, MI (free tickets)

July 11 — Grand Rapids, MI (free tickets)

July 14 — Chicago, IL (free tickets)

July 16 — Milwaukee, WI (free tickets)

July 18 — Madison, WI (free tickets)

July 20 — Minneapolis, MN (free tickets)

August 3 — Seattle, WA (free tickets)

August 6 — Spokane, WA (free tickets)

August 11 — Missoula, MT (free tickets)

—Canada 2014—

June 16 — St. John’s, NL (free tickets)

June 19 — Halifax, NS (free tickets)

June 22 — Quebec City, QC (free tickets)

June 24 — Montreal, QC (free tickets)

June 26 — Ottawa, ON (free tickets)

June 29 — Toronto, ON (free tickets)

June 30 — London, ON (free tickets)

July 2 — Hamilton, ON (free tickets)

July 22 — Winnipeg, MB (free tickets)

July 24 — Regina, SK (free tickets)

July 26 — Saskatoon, SK (free tickets)

July 28 — Edmonton, AB (free tickets)

July 30 — Calgary, AB (free tickets)

August 1 — Vancouver, BC (free tickets)

—UK & Ireland 2014—

October 9 — London (free tickets)

October 11 — Southampton (free tickets)

October 13 — Bristol (free tickets)

October 15 — Cardiff (free tickets)

October 17 — Birmingham (free tickets)

October 19 — Manchester (free tickets)

October 21 — Leeds (free tickets)

October 23 — Newcastle (free tickets)

October 25 — Edinburgh (free tickets)

October 27 — Glasgow (free tickets)

October 29 — Belfast (free tickets)

October 31 — Dublin (free tickets)

—Australia 2014—

November 4 — Brisbane (free tickets)

November 6 — Gold Coast (free tickets)

November 9 — Sydney (free tickets)

November 12 — Melbourne (free tickets)

November 15 — Adelaide (free tickets)

November 19 — Perth (free tickets)

Questions?

Is your city not listed? Sorry, we can’t make it everywhere (yet!). Stay updated on when The Minimalists will be in your city by subscribing to our essays via email (no spam, ever).

Other questions about the tour? Email: tour@theminimalists.com.

Previous Tour Stops, Photos, Video

Big thanks to the 4,000+ people who attended The Minimalists 51 tour stops during 2012/2013 (list of previous cities, plus photos and tour reviews here). If you can’t make it to one of the events, you can watch a video of The Minimalists’ Seattle meetup

 

[follow The Minimalists on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for even more exciting info.]

A Rolex Won’t Give You More Time

A friend recently emailed me to communicate the buyer’s remorse he was experiencing after purchasing an expensive watch. Even though he’s a successful entrepreneur who can afford to drop $10k on shiny wrist-ornamentation, he expressed pangs of post-purchase grief, sorrow, and regret.

But he wasn’t entirely sure why he felt this way, so he emailed me for advice. This is how I responded…

I know where you’re coming from. As a guy who has owned several expensive watches (I owned more than one fancy watch during my lotus-eating twenties, although I don’t own a one now), I understand the allure. I could of course recite a dozen platitudes here—an expensive watch can’t give you more time, a puppet who enjoys his strings still isn’t free, you are not the sum of your material possessions, our possessions possess us, etc.—but the what it really comes down to is two things: Value and Quality of Life.

In terms of Value, does the watch actually add value to your life? Or does it drain value? I’m not talking about monetary value (price is just an arbitrary measurement); I’m talking real, intrinsic value. Is that watch worth $10k of your freedom? Is it worth the emotional stress you’re going through while thinking about it?

I know these questions sound rhetorical, but they’re not. I’m currently wearing a $100 pair of jeans, and, yes, they are worth $100 of my freedom to me; they are also my only pair of jeans, ergo I get immense value from them since I wear them almost every day. Does the watch do the same for you? If so, wear it with pride. If it doesn’t, though, then you might want to ask yourself why you still own it—not why you bought it, but why you still own it. Is it a status thing? Is it part of your identity? Is it just an expensive personal logo?

At this point, the purchase is over; you needn’t beat yourself up over it because you can’t change it. It’s a sunk cost. But you can change what you do going forward if you’re not getting value from the purchase. Again, though, if you get value from the watch, if it truly enhances your life, then why not keep it?

And when… [Read more at The Minimalists]

Industrial Big City Workspace

The desk is often the biggest highlight of a workspace . That’s certainly the case with Flickr user localArc’s Steelcase tanker desk, a midcentury sturdy tank of a desk.

localArc has designed the rest of the room’s decor to fit in with the gray, industrial desk. The walls are gray, the artwork sports a New York City and transportation theme, and other accessories evoke that midcentury era in American history. (Even the fan in the photo below has been restored and polished.)

 

 

– Melanie Pinola

Read more articles from LifeHacker

The Idea Guy

Almost everyone has a noggin filled with great ideas. That innovative invention. That groundbreaking book. That next big thing.

Unfortunately the vast majority of remarkable ideas will never be realized as real-life creations because many Idea Guys want someone else to do the work for them. What these Ideas Guys don’t realize, though, is that Action is more valuable than the Idea itself.

A well-executed mediocre idea is infinitely more beautiful than a magnificent idea not acted upon. Ergo, great idea or not, one must act accordingly.

[Read more inspiring truths from The Minimalists]

Worthy

I often feel unworthy. I face this feeling when I write on serious topics. I question whether I’m qualified to write about certain subjects, conjuring a tornado of negative thoughts: I’m not perfect. I’m not a Zen master. I’m not Dr. Nicodemus. I’m not worthy.

I could blame my upbringing for this psychological defect. I wasn’t encouraged to be more than I was. However, I clearly remember being told what I wasn’t. Whenever I catch myself inside this whirlwind of negative thought, I recognize what I’m doing and redirect my self-talk toward a more positive direction. Instead of what “I’m not” I focus on what “I am”: I am kind. I am genuine. I am adding value. I am worthy.

Our level of self-worth is directly affected by the rules we’ve built for ourselves. If you have a rule for yourself that says “I am not a baker if I don’t own a bakery,” then guess what—you’re not going to feel worthy enough to call yourself a baker until you open a bakery.

Most of our internal rules have been shaped by years of reinforcement. That doesn’t mean we have to live by those rules for the rest of our lives, though. When we catch ourselves feeling unworthy, we should look for the rule we’ve established that makes us feel this way.

Regardless of what we’ve done in our pasts, we still get to decide our own levels of self-worth based on the rules we’ve established. As long as you are living up to those rules, you are worthy

– Ryan Nicodemus

[Read more inspiring essays from The Minimalists]

Life Is an Acquired Taste

The best coffeehouse in the United States isn’t located in Seattle or Portland or NYC or any of the usual suspects. Nope. Rather, Press Coffee Bar is nestled between a parking lot and a sewing shop, across the street from a pair of abandoned warehouses and beneath several stories of old brick apartments in Dayton Ohio, the birthplace of aviation, the cash register, and hundred-spoke gold rims.

I’m sitting at Press now, tucked in the back enjoying a black coffee, a subtle milieu of roasted beans and Radiohead’s OK Computer in the atmosphere around me. Back in Dayton for a spell, I’ve been spending a lot of time here dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s in Ryan’s and my next book, Everything That Remains.

The shop’s tattooed proprietors, Brett and Janell Barker, are hard at work behind the counter, utterly unaware I’m writing this. The Barkers are an awesome husband-and-wife duo, wonderful in more ways than one: friendly, attentive, passionate, etc., etc. Plus, they are sticklers for detail. From the wood floors and wood-paneled walls, to the music and changed-monthly local-art installations, everything at Press is carefully and intentionally curated. Not to mention a handful of employees—Caleb, Awni, Brenden, Eric—who feel much more like family than staff, and customers who seem to embody a Cheers-esque camaraderie (Woody Harrelson and I went to the same high school after all, albeit two decades apart).

Oh, and then there’s the coffee of course: sourced from only the best roasters and brewed or pulled so carefully—so meticulously—that it resembles art much more than foodservice. All of which culminates in the perfect coffeehouse—elegant and unpretentious and simple.

The simplicity of Press transcends the shop itself. Not simple for the sake of being simple, Press is simple because they’ve eliminated the excess in favor of the essential. It was Brett, after all, who convinced me to do the same with my coffee…

Back in the day, I used to load my cup of joe with heaps of cream and sweetener, more like a weak, milky, calorie-laden dessert than a drink. As I stirred in the excess, Brett would to quietly rib me, encouraging me to enjoy the flavor without the additives.

I didn’t listen. Well at least not at first; not until the day when they ran out of my sweetener of choice, and I was forced to go without. It was an unpleasant shock at first—drinking only coffee and cream—but soon my taste buds adjusted, and guess what: I could better taste the coffee, and so I went without sweetener from then on.

A month later, being the experimenter I am, I wondered what my coffee would taste like without milk, so I ordered an Americano and shook my head when Janell asked whether I wanted room for cream. Because I was unacclimated, the first sip was bitter, a strong punch to the palate. But then of course, a few days in, I acquired the taste, and for the first time in my life I could taste the actual coffee. It was more delicious than any of the sugary, weak, milky cups of yesteryear. Suffice it to say I never went back.

It seems to me that black coffee is also a synecdoche for life: when you eliminate the excess… [Read more of this article on The Minimalists]

Follow Joshua Milburn on Twitter